You know you love me. xoxo, Gossip Girl

Every now and again I've alluded to the fact that I had a failed attempt at being a part-time celebrity nanny. I wrote about it a little bit, but I didn't really go into specifics because I thought it would be tacky. I have no qualms about posting drunken texts nor sharing that I like to spend my time driving around downtown LA weeping in my car, but draw the line at mentioning whose kid I'm watching. Clover Logic is a special creature.

Anyway, I am ending my silence. Mostly because they are now being totally tacky, but also because the interweb, (or INTERTRONS, as very hot Kiala would say) has said more crapola about them in the past couple weeks than I ever could. I haven't talked to the family in question in about three months, okay four, and apparently since I haven't been gracing them with my presence everything has gone to shit. (Coincidence?)

Also, as we say in the South, these people done gone and lost they damn minds. And that means you gets talked about on the INTERTRONS. Since I left them, Kelly get knocked and then filed for divorce and now it's becoming a regular Knock Down Drag Out. And why aren't they getting me on the horn?

I called Kelly last week and left her a message saying that I knew it was weird to find out about something this way blah blah blah, but, you know, I heard the news about the divorce, and if she needed any help to call me, and, btw, congrats on being knocked up and whatever, this whole sitch is so totally not weird.

(And, PS btw, no hard feelings about the time we spent seventy-two hours straight together in the Hamptons and both silently wanted to kill ourselves.)

Srsly! Who wouldn't get the nanny as a character witness? I saw everything first hand. And so. Because, they are not utilizing me as a resource, LIKE THEY SHOULD, I will respond to all the intertronic reporting on my blog. This will make all the difference.

Gossip Girl's got nothing on Kelly Rutherford's real-life drama.
(from E! online)

Just one week after the teen-soap vet filed for divorce from David Giersch, Rutherford filed emergency papers in Los Angeles Superior Court Jan. 9 seeking to ban her estranged huband from leaving the country, saying she fears he may try to disappear with their 2-year-old son. "I feel there is some risk that he will leave the country with Hermes and I will not know where they are," the 40-year-old actress said in her declaration.

First round: Kelly. Since the first day I met her, she's told me about how The German eventually wants to settle in Hamburg and if his business isn't here, his marriage is in the crapper, and he's not an actual citizen, I totally don't put this past him. Do you really eff with a mad German?

Adding to the way-past-acrimonious custody battle are Rutherford's new allegations that the 34-year-old Giersch, who is not a U.S. citizen, "has a history during our marriage of getting angry with me and leaving without telling me where he is going."
Giersch, an entrepreneur, countered Rutherford with a filing of his own, painting an even less flattering picture of his missus.

Point: Kelly. Angry Germans are scary.

Giersch said Rutherford, who is currently four months pregnant with the duo's second child, has an equally bad, and physical, temper: "[She] has tried to hit me with an open fist when she's had an angry outburst. On July 6, she threw a laptop computer at me while we were in Hamburg. She smashed the computer on the table and it broke."

Point still goes to Kelly. I mean, big whoop. Kelly told me about this incident. One time we were in the car together and she was speaking calmly, with her big doe eyes musing thoughtfully, and I asked incredulously, "How do you keep it all together?" I am always a little ball of anxiety and I genuinely always felt relaxed around her. And she was all, oh sister, I am no stranger to a meltdown. I threw a laptop two weeks ago in Germany.

And this anecdote impressed ol' Clover. And I was thankful she was giving me wise marriage advice. Throwing something seemed like a very effective way of channeling anger and stress. And if my man and I are rich like they are, then you can bet your bottom dollar I'm throwing a laptop. Most likely my husband's.

Giersch also claimed that Rutherford's bicoastal, work-oriented lifestyle was the single driving reason behind their split and voiced strong opposition to the idea of the actress taking her son with her on location. "I have been extremely concerned about our son living in a hotel and a New York lifestyle, and this has been one of the main reasons, if not the reason for the ending of [Rutherford's] and my marriage."

Point: Kelly. I call BS. First of all I knew there was no True Love Forever in this match. EVER. And she's a damn actress. Do you know how many actors and actresses in this town have this travel-for-work lifestyle AND procreate? ALL OF THEM. If that beautiful couple with a child army can do it, I promise you these two can.

He also claims that it is him, not her, who acts as Hermes' primary caretaker. "[Rutherford's] routine is that she has weekly hair appointments for at least two hours, manicures, pedicures, shopping and the like. She has been able to do all of that because I have been taking care of Hermes, and am happy to continue doing so, as it would be best for him."

And one point for The German. He really does spend his days with the kid, his businesses being in Europe and all. Even baby-hating Clover will admit they are totally cute together. I've never seen a dad so enthused about being a dad, and hearing him and Hermes speak German made my day. (I have a secret desire to speak German. I feel that it would go well with my Jew fetish.)

While both parties are seeking sole legal and physical custody with monitored visitation for the other, a judge has denied Rutherford's latest motion to travel with Hermes for work. A subsequent hearing on the matter has been set for Jan. 21.

This one kills. These people are both totally obsessed with this kid. FOR REAL. Both of them equally live for this child, who is pretty much a living doll. I can't imagine how devastating it would be to either of them to lose daily contact with the boy. And I know the German is gonna get German on this and not make this easy. But clearly most points awarded to Kelly. I have officially thrown in my hat for Team Kelly and not just because she is beautiful and gave me things.

And couldn't she use some back-up? Since she hasn't returned my call, I may just include her on the next drunken texting sesh. I'm sure I will make my offer to be a character witness in her custody battle witty and hilarious.

And for the record. I really do dig this breathy intro.

You know you love me.

XOXO,
Clover