Closing out my 2008 tab

Hello, dolls. So did you have good holiday times? Um, yeah. So that's rhetorical. We're here to talk about me today.

Okay, so Ex picked me up from the airport on Monday and we decided to play his mom's game of "name your ten significant events of the year". So I cocked my head and thought about it for a second and my list went something like this:

-first car accident
-first lost wallet
-toxic mold allergies that ruined my face (and, therefore, life) for two and a half months
-hostile eviction from my apartment (for speaking out against toxic mold)
-three flat tires on the freeway (before 2008 I'd never experienced a flat tire ever)
-second car accident (luckily this time some jackass just hit my parked car, but it was another two weeks my car was in the body shop)
-walked through a glass wall and got a concussion
-experienced several bouts of homelessness
-embarrassingly cried on the set of Gossip Girl

And this doesn't even include the psychological damage I got from spending large amounts of time with a Toxic Ex and a seriously disappointing dating venture that made me and the other person consider we are both possibly dysfunctional and/or crazy. (Incidentally, we're hanging out Friday.)

This was when I realized that my life is actually an Exhausting Shit Storm that most people could not even comprehend nor bear on a daily basis. If daily panic were measured using the Homeland Security Advisory System, I'd be pretty much operating around a Level Orange constantly. It occurred to me, most people don't live like I do. Even Ex gave me a sideways glance and was like, 2009 will by default be better than that Shit Storm that made up your life.

But is 2008 over? No. Was that ten things? No.

And apparently 2008 was keeping count because it was not going out without One Final Shit Storm Hurrah.

Because today while I was seriously enjoying my morning, having just returned from an ass-kicking on the Santa Monica Stairs, I got a phone call from Union Bank of California informing me that some questionable charges were on my account.

Yes, add to my list of Significant Events of 2008 Credit Card Fraud. What would 2008 be without some Identity Theft, right?

Did you know there is no way to prevent this if you have a card you have used, like, ever? I started hyperventilating and called my parents, who informed me they couldn't understand me, so I hung up on them and threw the phone, then called back moments later. Credit Card Fraud will bring out your good side.

So today I'm winding up 2008 with no debit card to pay my bills tomorrow and a drained checking account. I mean, some A-hole went to town on my dime. They hit up the In-n-Out, some expensive baby store (CLEARLY not me and most assuredly what tipped the bank people off), then they seriously threw down at Norstrom's and stopped by a Rite Aid in Missouri for good measure.

After I cried at the bank for the second time this year, I came home and watched all those poignant Citibank Identity Theft commercials from a few years ago. That shit RESONATES, people. I watched it through new eyes. Here. Watch one. They make me feel less alone.



But you know, if Ex hadn't asked me to think of "Big Moments" I kind of would have written off 2008 as a fun time. I met more amazing people than I can count, got good writing jobs, joined a band, went to fun parties, got good swag and watched a lot of fantastic reality television. (That's right. TV good. Gina happy.)

But also because I had the Shitstorm of 2008, and everyone in my life knew it, there was a ridiculous, unexpected, ceaseless amount of Clover Love and Support. Do you know who loves you? I do. Because I have been down and motherf*cking OUT this year, and bitches have shown me LOVE and AWESOMENESS. Endlessly.

But 2009 you better have something good for me. Like a TV show. And a book deal. And possibly an awesome boyfriend who also likes reality TV. It's not so much to ask for.

So, in conclusion, I sincerely wish you all awesome, non-shit storm 2009s, peeps. I really do love you.