Rock of Love

Virtual Lady Sensation

I rocked so hard this weekend, I broke a Playstation. I discovered my new passion in life, eclipsing all other passions:

Catapulting my rock band on the video game Rock Band to international stardom.

I became so preoccupied with this task everything else fell by the wayside. I was introduced to this marvelous phenomenon at Ex's Rock Band party Friday night. At first I simply found it to be an amusing thing to do with a group of people, much like renting a karaoke room with friends, with added instruments and a scorecard at the end. A sort of Dance Dance Revolution for your fingers.

We rocked it till 2 am and, completely spent (not really ever staying up into single digits), I thought I was done with Rock Band until the next gathering. But the next morning Ex asked if I wanted to jam again, just us. And this is when I was introduced to the "Create a band" function. And my world was turned upside down. Maybe I am the last person to discover this gift from god, but did you know you can create a personalized band with your own name, get a manager, make set lists, tour all over the world and "earn" new, locked songs by performing well? It's amazing. It's a nuanced, sophisticated world and I can honestly say that I have created the hottest avatar ever in my likeness and she even wears knee high socks like me. I am obsessed. I'm an egomaniac. I'm also the lead singer of our band.

Much like rock 'n roll itself, Rock Band is a lifestyle. I looked at their website while researching this post and found that there is a worldwide "community", music videos, a merch area. It's the perfect blend of rockstar and dork. Everything I stand for. I get thousands of fans and never have to leave the house.

But unfortunately, there is a sad end to this tale. After spending the entire day touring relentlessly with our band, late Saturday afternoon, the game stopped responding. I was hoarse and we both realized we had other things to do so we finally called it a day. We didn't realize anything was seriously wrong until tonight when we both succumbed to rockstar excess and realized we couldn't live if we didn't indulge ourselves more, only to discover that the whole Playstation device is not working. The box could not handle us. I don't know what all has to be done to repair or replace, not having played a video game since original Nintendo, but now it looks like it'll be a while before I'm back on the mic. I am so sad. Which is probably for the best, because already the rockstar lifestyle is taking over my soul. I want nothing more than the roar of applause and a "most gutsy" performance superlative.

But I miss you already, Rock Band. Please feel better soon. If I were an actual rockstar, I would write you a beautiful ballad.

Fated to pretend.